I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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