I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Randomize
