btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
