my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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