i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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