I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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