she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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