Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
