woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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