The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
