Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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