i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
