Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
