I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
