We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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