singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
