If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
