it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
high people should be assigned attendants
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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