She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
