I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
