I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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