actually, I'm a sock model
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
