just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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