I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
