I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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