Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
