And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
