do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
