So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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