I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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