the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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