if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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