I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
