The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
