"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
