His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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