So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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