Tell her she can't have a vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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