he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
