How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
