I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize