# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You smell like stripper and shame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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