we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize