made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
