I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
