I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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