Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
