Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize