I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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