I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
