im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
