turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
