two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
