is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
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