Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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