1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
