how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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