Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
