I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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