I faked an abortion last night.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
