please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
