He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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