i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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