just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
